


Charisma and What Comes After

by aravenwood



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Caleb Widogast Has Issues, Caleb Widogast Needs a Hug, Gen, Non-Verbal Caleb Widogast, Protective Nott | Veth Brenatto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:41:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26729863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aravenwood/pseuds/aravenwood
Summary: Caleb remembered the days when charismatic was a word which could be used to describe him. He could charm with a smile or a few words, could get anything he wanted because he looked at someone the right way.Now some days, he couldn't even speak.
Relationships: Nott | Veth Brenatto & Caleb Widogast, The Mighty Nein & Caleb Widogast
Comments: 6
Kudos: 171





	Charisma and What Comes After

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! So, I'm participating in Whumptober, which starts tomorrow and as of this moment I have 7 fics written out of what will hopefully be 31...I have no self-control. 
> 
> But hey, you guys get a fic out of it so whooooop!
> 
> Enjoy some non-verbal Caleb!

Caleb remembered the days when charismatic was a word which could be used to describe him. He could charm with a smile or a few words, could get anything he wanted because he looked at someone the right way. He was loved and a look could make people believe that he loved them back, and silly, childish Bren used that to his advantage in any way that he could.

That was a long time ago. Now when he spoke to people he was a stuttering mess. He couldn’t make eye contact, couldn’t wink or smile or flutter his eyelashes. Some days, he couldn’t even speak.

It was the latter which he found most irritating. He was a smart man and he knew lots of words. He liked to show off the words he’d learned because people trusted people who could use big words, even when he was the one using them; him, a dirty, greasy, awkward man who looked terrified every time someone addressed him. He even liked to spell words in his head as a calming method, a way to force himself to focus when panic threatened to overwhelm him.

And yet more and more these days, he found himself unable to say a word.

On his first bad day with the Nein, he woke up with a lump in his throat and a tremor in his hands. His skin felt too tight and his head was heavy and full of gunk. He didn’t want to move, didn’t want to uncurl from the tiny ball he’d folded into during the night, and if it wasn’t for Nott taking his hand and tugging on it gently he probably would have laid there all day. But her grip was firm and supportive, and feeling her thick, rough fingers entwined with his let him breathe a little easier.

He let her lead him away from his bedroll to the remains of the fire, where the others were helping themselves to bowls of something grey and stodgy. Beau and Fjord offered him a short nod, while Molly grinned widely at him and Jester waved as if she hadn’t seen him in months. “Caleb!” she squealed. “Fjord made us breakfast, even though he never told us that he could cook! It’s really yummy, even though it looks like he just threw up in the pot! Here, I saved you some!” 

Caleb lifted his free hand in a half-hearted wave and sat down at the edge of the fire, farther from the rest of the group than he would normally like but already certain that he couldn’t face being too close to them. Nott seemed to sense his anxiety and picked up a bowl for each of them, bringing it over to their little corner. 

From the other side of the fire, Beau narrowed her eyes. “You slept late,” she commented. “Didn’t even wake us all with your screaming last night. Good. I was getting sick of the ready to drop dead look.”

The look on her face said that Beau expected some reply, even just a “I must have been tired”. But Caleb couldn’t bring himself to even try to answer. His throat felt tight and his chest heavy, and his hand trembled so badly as he lifted a spoonful of his breakfast to his mouth he only succeeded in emptying it back into the bowl. He blushed and lowered the spoon, then tucked his hands between his thighs to hide the shaking.

Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw the others exchange looks and his cheeks flushed even hotter. To his left, Nott reached over and took a hold of his wrist, pulling on it until his hand slid from between his thighs. She tugged on it until it was resting atop her thighs, and began to rub soft, steady circles in his palm. He focused on the rhythm, on the slight tickle which came with it, and slowly but surely the warmth on his face disappeared.

“Caleb, aren’t you going to eat?” Jester asked him after a few minutes in which all he did was stare at the bowl with dull, unfocused eyes. He hadn’t noticed that his attention was drifting, but from the way everyone was watching him it was clear that his mind had been elsewhere. This time he didn’t even have the energy to blush, just slowly turned his head to lock eyes with Nott.

Understanding flashed in her eyes the moment she got a good look at him. Was it really that obvious? Well, Caleb thought, it had to be obvious for her because she’d been witness to so many of his bad days, so many different types of bad days that she could read him better than he could read himself. She’d seen the days where he couldn’t get out of bed, the days where the mere idea of food had him heaving into a bush, and the days where his own thoughts were so cruel that he couldn’t help but cry. She knew him so well that sometimes he could almost convince himself that she was reading his thoughts straight from his mind.

“He’s not feeling well today,” Nott said slowly, meeting Jester’s eyes. “He isn’t sick, he’s just…sometimes words are hard for him.”

Jester frowned and glanced nervously between him and Nott. “So he isn’t talking today? Like, at all?”

Nott shook her head. “Probably not. If he does he’ll keep it brief and he might not sound like himself. He’ll be back to himself in no time, but it’s just a bad day for him.”

Caleb gestured to his bowl.

“Oh, and he might not want to eat either. It’s nothing to do with the food, he just gets nauseous when he’s anxious. Anything else you want me to tell them, Caleb?”

He shook his head and offered her a shaky smile.

Across the fire, Molly cleared his throat. “So this is an anxiety thing? Can we do anything?" he asked. He looked sombre in a way that he so rarely was, and Caleb remembered that Molly had once been silent like this too. The tiefling offered Caleb a reassuring smile, so gentle that his stomach fluttered and he felt his lips curling to return the gesture.

Nott glanced at him, and she smiled too. “Just…go easy on him. Don’t baby him, he’s still Caleb and he’s still smarter than all of you.” She paused for a moment, and the smile became a snarl with her lip curled upwards to reveal sharp teeth. “But if you fuck with him while he’s like this…we both know where you sleep.”

The group were silent as the threat sunk in. Fjord let out a short chuckle only to fall silent as Nott glared at him. Caleb let out a short snort and squeezed Nott’s fingers.

“Fine, I’ll behave,” she grumbled. “I won’t kill them. But…I might just seriously hurt them.”

Caleb lifted one shoulder, to say “you do what you’ve got to do” because he knew that there was no stopping Nott when she was feeling protective. Which was most of the time, really. She cared for him like she would family, taking care of him on bad days and making sure that he looked after himself, that he never got so deep in his self-loathing that there was no way out. She was amazing like that, and he couldn’t help but wonder once more exactly what he’d done to deserve her.

A hand landed on his shoulder and Caleb realised that he’d drifted again, long enough for Molly to close the distance between them. The tiefling squeezed his shoulder lightly. “Don’t worry, Caleb. We’ve got your back. You can talk when you’re ready and we’ll be here when your words come back.”

Caleb didn’t need words to show Molly how much the words had touched him. From the look he gave Caleb, it was written all over his face.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


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